hidayah

2010-04-09T07:58:00.001-07:00

i wont update here anymore.

http://mysweetchapter.blogspot.com

2010-03-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

HRC just now.
had lots of fun with the cadets, my mates and the F.Is there.
all perangai.

Mum teman me shopping tadi.
I bought, a new sling bag, sandals for school, mascara, eyeliner, powder, and a new diary!

I need to start a new.

I have to..

=))

Much love,
Me.

2010-03-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulilah.
Ive passed my semester 2, year 1 examinations.
All are over. As yet, problems between me and him never end.
I just miss those late night calls.
You know, the time when we laugh to your lame jokes.
Lame, but it tickle me enough.

Well,
i had enough of all my sad and hard times.
Time now is to re-focus on starting school.
And yes,
i miss school and the peeps.

2010-03-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Well, ive got this feeling.A very bad feeling. I don't know what the hint is.. But i tend to over-think and think and make and put myslef into deep shit.

Just hope that everything goes fine tommorrow.
With the one i wanted the support from.
Yeahh.

labels : Please, get the thing right. I do still love you like i used to.
I cant deny the fact.. every single minute.. i wish you will be around.

2010-03-16T10:43:00.001-07:00

FULL SHIFT TODAY!
tired.
MATER KOYAK!
k bye

2010-03-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

I am having high fever. And i still went for trainings. I just wanna release everything.
I get breathless easily. And i keep losing my stance.
Mungkin tak lame.

I hate that indian man and his words.

2010-03-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

It is so hard to accept the fact that, you would leave the one that had been there for you. Through the up and down. This doesnt have to be a guy by my side. To make me happy, live my life all the way.. Its my family, my lovely bestie. Welll, only god knows how much i treasure the people around me.

I am afraid of the future.
Afraid where i will end up after poly.
Working or still schooling?
Then, i think again.
That one, i know i can handle.
But, im thinking again.
The one that will be my husband.
Will i treat him good?
Get engaged, married, got kids.
OMG. Takot.
But, what if..
WHAT IF, tak sempat untukku lalui semua ini..??

Hey, naimah darling.. My pillar of strength is from you .. ESPECIALLY, the past 10 years... Aku malas nak kira exactly.. Sebab dah lamer sangat. Be strong k pantat.

I miss hanisah.

k, bye.

2010-03-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

He said emergency.
I said wad.
He said standby.
I said good or bad.
He said, some good, some bad.
I said, will i tear?
He said yes, sori.
I said cry for good or bad?
He said, cannot tell.
I begged.
He said no.

After the sleepless night, wrapped up with the word, I'm scared, i miss his laughter, and just now, he laughed. Laughed with me. Hey, best man, you know what? well, i don't know when are you gonna read this. Or maybe not. But, do you know that i actually kept a diary of you, the both of us...? Even when i am not around with you, i still update that diary.. And that diary, knows what i truly felt for you, with or without you by my side. eventhough, im still petrified of tommorrow.. i am happy to hear you laugh with me. You know, the time when we talked to each other on phone every night before sleeps... they way we laughed. the way we talked and everything... the way i bermanjer with you.. the way i say please and you stick to you thinck NO. well, i dun want this to end, seriously. Cause i know,we'll last kan darling..??
and, from young, i had this citer-citer, i wanna marry with a policeman, cause to me, a policeman is someone that can look after me, so that no one will bully me...

no, i love you way to much sayang..

2010-03-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

Biar diriku ini disini
Meniti hari untuk aku menanti
Buat diri kasih
Yang amat aku sayangi

Pergi gunda gulana
Bersama angin berlagu puisi
Aku ingin berbahagia
Bersama kekanda pilihan hati

Jangan ucap kata sayang
Pada insan yang baru kau kenali
Jangan utus kata rindu
Pada insan yang baru hadir
Kerna, tak mungkin dia akan menyayangi dan merindui kau seperti ku.

Silap lalu mu aku maafkan
Aku lenyapkan dari fikiranku
Agar aku dapat teruskan untuk bersamamu
Demi suatu kebahagiaan
Yang telah kita kecapi dulu

Beri aku peluang
Menebus silap laluku
Sesungguhnya aku manusia
Tak jauh dari khilaf dosa.

Sudikah engkau kotakan janji
Yang telah kita bina selama ini
Apakah pengorbanan yang telah kita beri
Akan terbuang mengikut arus hari

labels: I love you alot

2010-03-09T19:30:00.001-08:00

I cried for 4 nights endlessly. I had no sleep for 4 nights straight. Eventhough naimah sayah, hanisah darling kolled me late at night to keep me accompany. I had no proper meals for the past week. I cudden endure the pain that pierce through my heart. I get sensitive over small issues. And i am being self-centred not to let other someone live with my love. I got so scard that every moment i breathe, i feel the pain in my heart and i feel like throwing up. When i control, i could feel my body shivers. Not because i am cold, cause i shiver and i perspire.

For the past months, i had been thinking what and how do i get to the point that i wudden want any separation from you anymore. I wanna continue the 3 yrs that we've built this far. It was such a great roller coaster ride with you. The ups and downs together we went through. Now, i regretted for what i had done, and when i re-read my previous and past post, i could feel that, i left you for a reason. And that reason is your character. You man-ly character. Now, i understand why.

Eventhough ive been contacting other people, i had been talking about you. How much i miss being with you. I do not want this to end, cause this is very lovely. And i had never love you like anyone i am with before. Add on, i know, no one can love me like you do. And no one can love you more than i could. I am not being selfish, but this, is a fact that everyone on the Maia had to swallow. Eespecially, those that want to destroy us.

I read our past conversation that i save it in my folders and i do miss the time alot..

I miss:
-you calling me baby
-you callin me sayang
-being with me through my ups and downs
-fighting with each other
-you calling me names. sepit, ciner,nutella
-talking to you late at night
-your wishes without me asking for
-you disturbing me
-pujok rayu you
-merajok
-bermanjer
-eating chocolates with you
-tearing chicken and quarrel over it
-you laughing at my stupidity
-your everything

I miss your eyes pierce through mine. I miss those days spent together like no one else is looking at us. What if this world belongs to us, only us...? I appreciate the love you gave me before and i hope and could only ask for one.. My love and yours to reunite like last time..

Hubby, there is no one else that i call that name. Sayang, tak pernah i panggil orang laen sayang. I,u? I never talk to someone using that term, cause to me, that is mainly for me and u. Hug, i never hug a guy like you in my entire life. Kiss my forehead, i never let any guy do so after i am with you, 3 years ago. Sing, i miss the time you sing your heart out for me. In between the song, there's my name and i wish that would stay.

Read, read all the past 3 months post, there is never a month, that i never thought of you. Never a day i went off withouth thinking of you. Never a second that brushes through that i forget about you. Negligence isnt the same as, i don't love you.

Everytime when my hand held to anything, it drops cause i lack of everything. And the everything is you. I had no proper meals to give me energy cause i had not heard the words i wanna hear from you to give me strength and pull me up. And i let others walk ahead of me cause, i wanna hide my tears. Tears that had never stop drooling. Though the past 3 months, i had cried for you. CAUSE, I JUST MISS YOU SO MUCH, MUHAMMAD RIYADH.

I am not strong to look you to fall to another girl's hand. Cause all this past years, you had always been mine. Heck care, the past that had happened, your mistakes, mine, all this are the learning point. And i don't care what you had to say, cause mainly, i had only love you. Only you.

Come back and i will prove to you that no one can love and care for you like i do.

2010-03-08T08:22:00.001-08:00

I miss you alot.

Muhammad Riyadh B Asli..

I want the old hubbie the first time i know you..

No more seperate.

2010-03-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absence, readers.

Latest update: I am having an eye infection. That produces alot of discharge. Disgusting discharge that i have to clear it off often. I had it twice already. I think i need to get a spectacles before my eyes worsen and may lead to future blindness. HAHA. Anw, hanisah mother gave me the Naphcon-A eye drop. Mannn, i am scared of medication and eye drops, especially. I could feel my hands trembling loooorrr! HAHA. and hanisah mother nags more than my mama.

I get to complete my empty and loneliness with naimah sayang yesterday on the phone. OBVIOUSLY we did alot of gossipings and sharing some new stuffs. We crap and talked till 3 am. HAHA. Realising, tommorrow i am working and having tuition.

And so, my tutees are having the common test, and i hope they will do very well for it, despite the short time i have with them.

I hope it will be cancelled!
Waste my time uh.

k, goodbye!

2010-02-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

TIME CHECK : 3 am.

I am sleepy.. but i just get myself to bed. I mean, i am on my bed, but i just cudden sleep.. Instead i am facebooking since 11 pm just now.

I am going to stop waiting and carry on with my dailies like i used to. I need not need guys to please me cause i still have my darlings around with me. I know i aint this weak to persevere the loneliness.

Well, that someone come and go just like nobody's business. I hate it though. Things never go the way it should be.
Im eyeing on this flip flops at CHECK and SPORTSLINK .
I want the adidas sandal please.
URGH! i cant wait for my next pay which idk how much.
But obviously more then last month's pay.

I cant wait semestral exams to end.
Then, i know, he need me no more.
=))

im forcing to draw this smile...

bye.

2010-02-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

At last, i could sleep all the way till afternoon before i heard mummy's voice, "KAAAKAAAAAKK!" haha.
She yelled me out of bed. Really lor. Then woke up and dragged my feet to the loo and bath. Then shushu sayang called. She ajak me watch wayang but got tuition in the afternoon so we lepak at my place. And she siap like pengantin. So lambat.

She waited for me so sweetly at macdonalds and we have our late lunch at KFC with hanisah mother. Then she hantar me go rc to study with wan.
EPC is killing me.
Therefore, most of time, i stared at the question.
Lucky POON want to help.
If not, all tawakal only.

I got irritated by this guy on FB. Someone that i knew from school uh. He wan act good. Never hold girl lah, never touch girl lah, but with my own eyes, i saw him hugging a girl lor. Stupid kan.
No comment lah kan. Tu dier punyer pasal.

I cant wait for date with sufiah dol.

okk, bye bye.

2010-02-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

I am really penat lah. If never work, i got tuition for the kids. No tuition i must study. No everything, must go training. PENAT OI!
Am i overwerking? No lah kan..
My post nowadays like very tk senonoh.
I know, tkda mood. But, i still want to blog.

We are seriously drifting.
No late night calls and messages.
Maybe, he found someone better.
I simply cant stop telling him, that, its not him i talked about in any of my post, MSN or facebook. Just best of luck in whatever you do.
Time for me to move on..

Well, i miss your goodnight wish, friend.

AND!
i think i miraculously found a partner to do blogshop.
kan fyda....?

HAHAH

2010-02-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

Final semester exam time table.
How dead am i going to be..?
Very dead.

Wish me lots of luck.
And i am giving in to EPC.
WOHOOOOOO~~

I am thinking to open a blog shop and sell off all of my clothings that i wore once only.
Plus, that may add some credit to my account for some daily expenses kan..??
but, i need models, photographer and ALOT OF HELP.
HAHAH

anyone willing..???

2010-02-19T08:37:00.001-08:00

DILEMMA

bye.

2010-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

I have two wishes to make

1) I want peace.

2) I want more time for studies.

CAN?

Okbye.

2010-02-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

Please, don't leave me hanging without your text or calls.

Cause i know, i am gonna miss you alot.

I am taking bigger steps then yours.

Goodbye,love.

2010-02-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon was spent solely on work. Boring. Not much customers. But still, loads of complains. I did cashiering, tele-pharmacy. Basically, yesterday work was so relaxing that i could not get hold of how many yawns i yawned. HAHA. I wasted my time doing cashiering, purposely irritate customers with my slow pace of work, no smiling, no plus selling. And when there is no customer, i read magazine. HAHA. I wonder what if that stupid old Area Manager think about if he look at the camera.

I suddenly thought of re-taking some of my o-level subjects. Like english, maths. AHHAA. I don't know why, but, yea.. Its just a sudden thought.

This four days vacation brings me closer to my family. Daddy listens to beyonce hit song, 'single ladies', then he would hum to the song and sing it as, 'i sembelit, sembelit.'
HAHAHAHAHAH. LOL.
Then, mummy cooks like no one business and make daddy and syira grow wider. Especially, daddy's round tummy. *grins*

Went to BPP with yad. He got me a wallet. Talk about some serious stuff. Then off.
Wan is back from his holidayy. Got me two lovely brooches and a pink adidas watch.
=))

OMG, i miss school.
Wierd. I know.

2010-02-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

Too much think and reflect about. Weekends are spent wisely i guess. To celebrate my brother's engagement ceremony. He might not be a biological brother to me, but we were brought up since i learn how to crawl together by our late granny on my paternal side. Hence, it is not ridiculous for me to call him abang like all younger siblings call their elder brother. AND OBVIOUSLY, his fiancee looks great and very gorgeous.

I slept over at his place to help out whatever i could. Then, this feeling of miss, of love came by. I miss late granny. Both of them. Really. Nenek is gonna be real happy to get abang ready for his ceremony. And definitely, she will be cooking for abang like she promised to me and abang last time. She said, she is going to look and cook for the two of us if we get married later. No matter how sick she is, she is going to do it for us. But then, ALLAH loves her more.

Last training, had a short sparring session. Had to fight with this poser. He kicked not on the vest but on my thigh. Freaakkking pain i tell you. Now bengkak oready. And due to the last injury on my ankle, i injured it again. Bad thing is, i think it sprained. Cause, it swells and i cudden bear my weight evenly. AND, it causes my left leg to get cramps most of the time. THEN, when i happily cut the daun pandan, i stretched my leg out and got a stapler bullet inside my left foot. How nice. It bleeds and i put mama ita to worry mode. HAHA. =))

BUT, I am STRONG. >.<

p/s: when i miss you, i re-read our conversation and smile. then i wonder, i should have met someone like you so that i won't get phobia of knowing new people.

Alot of things coming up. Plans for Silat BBQ, promotion camp for my unit. All this will be in one week. Both will be 3D2N thing. Imagine, one week not at home, mama is gonna scream! hahah.

2010-02-11T05:57:00.001-08:00

I am at the 504 Residents' Corner blogging.
Initially thought of studying at my house with my friends, but then, DISTRACTIONS . ALOT .
I am away from home just to study. Find it better to focus here. I mean, away from those distraction at home. Especially the bed, the food.

Appauled that my butt grew wider. HAHA. CAUSE, i find it hard to fit into my NPCC skirt that i have been wearing for the past 5 yrs ago! Its true lah that they say, you will get wider if you are in POLYTECHNIC cause, the rate of you involving in Physical Education is very very very low and sometimes, zero.

I did mathematics for my elective common test tommorrow. Wan came by to do his assignment two for analogue. Then, terserempak mamat. As usual lah, talk about his silat. Wad summore.
Communication Skills, Computer Programming, Semestral Project has come to its end.
No more 3 hours tutorial, no more FORMAL WEAR, no more Lim Chin Guan's hurtful remarks, no more Practical stuffs. And, that marks the dot for these modules for SEMESTER TWO in first year.

A little more to persevere if i made this through. I dun wanna repeat. Who wants?!

Thought of giving up guardian as a job since i had three students to juggle their studies. Maybe after semester break i will decide.
Wish me all the best for my elective common test tommorrow. I need something to munch on. K GTG!

2010-02-10T08:29:00.000-08:00

Completed most assignments for my modules. But don't know can pass or not. I had put in alot of effort, just see how it goes.
I cant wait for semester exams to end. I am tired.
Alot of things to do.
Due to STRESS, PMS-ing, pimples outbreak.
URGH!

Slowly im trying to be independent enough.
Most of thing i share with him last time, i started to learn to bottle it up.
I walked from causeway to home.
Such a long time i never did that again.
then the phobia strikes me again.
I hate that house.
That house that is full of sin and alot of dirt.
I hate it alott.
As i typed this out, my hair stands on its end.

Traumatised.

2010-02-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

Such a great day u-turn.
After school, went to popular to get my tutees book.
Then go triple 8 kfc and study alone.
Ask hanisah and halilah darling to teman me makan at KFC.
Then sleep, then Shalehan text me to go dinner with him at vista point.
Eat prata.
Then wait till eleven pm shuuuuhadddaaaaaah reach.
Then i go home, cause dad kol me oready.
Sis failed.
Aaron had to wait for me.
HAHA.
in the end postpone to 9am tomorrow at KOUFU.

ok bye.

2010-02-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

Terkilan hatiku melihat kakimu mengorak langkah. Langkah yang kau ambil
untuk pergi dariku. Mengalir deras airmataku menahan sebak. Biarpun pilihan ini
aku yang pinta,namun, aku tetap inginkan belaian terakhirmu. Aku rindu saat kau
merenungi mata subur ku. tawa hilai manja kita segar lagi berlegaran di
memoriku. Kau bagaikan pelita yang menerangi seluruh kegelapan hidupku. dan
kini, setelah kau pergi, ia kembali gelap, tanpa nur.

Maafkan aku kasih kerna tidak berpegang teguh pada janji dan sumpahku.
Bukan ini pinta atau mahuku. Bukan inginku biarkan tangisan air matamu mengalir.
Bukan niatku melepasku. Tetapi hakikatnya, tiada yang serupa antara kita.

Lembaran demi lembaran hidupku tanpa kehadiranmu aku lukis indah. Agar aku
akan sentiasa bahagia melihat senyum tawamu. Biarpun jikalau dengan musuhku, ku
tetap doakan indah buatmu. Kerna, senyum yang kau ukir di bibirmu, cukup membuat
hatiku girang.

p/s: nothing more i asked for, except for happiness. Within me and you. =))

2010-02-07T10:46:00.001-08:00

Things get tougher if it invovles someone not related at all.
You are taking things too lightly and apart from that, you took advantage out of me.
I tried my best to give you what i could.
To persevere from those fatigue and late nights.
But i got yelled and barked at.
Only if you could see through my heart and read what it says.

My ankle is giving me too much problem.
It cracks like no one's business. And made me shout in pain in the middle of the road.
I am bearing just too much pain.
Physically and mentally.
Im tired and exhausted of things that is happening right now.
Hate it alot.

To those whom may concern:-
Sorry for not replying your text.
I am having problem which needs my attention more than of yours.
Im sorry for being self-centred. But you are of no different.
Cause you problem is not given, but chosen by you, yourself.
use your brain to think.
and think hard.

HE knows the best.
And i believe it.

=))

2010-02-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

I just went for maths lecture just now...
Then met andy chia with aaron to get help with our C programming project.
A project that is killing us. ALOT.

I just hope Lim Chin Guan biasness won't put me to a fail. Please.
I simply get irritated, when it comes to love problem, people advice me, "Pray , doa to ALLAH."
Like c'mon, love problem, then want to remember HIM. Then no problem (...........)??? Fill in the blanks.

After school went to study at Sengkang Starbucks with wan and aril.
They are being very good students. HAHA
And hope, they will be a great help for my analogue.

A few more weeks to ace through before the real THANG.

Wish me luck people.
p/s: Someone is reading my blog without telling me... =))

2010-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

Aku renungi langi gelap, kelam hatiku terasa. Sepi menyelubungi tubuhku.
Bagaikan kasihmu menghantui hatiku. Tiada ertinya aku mengecap nikmat kasih
kita, kerna aku masih tak berdaya untuk menagih kasihmu lagi. Biarpun mentera
kasihmu, kau ucap penuh syahdu, aku tetap keliru. Keliru antara hati dan akal.
Hatiku sering berkata kita harus bersama mengharungi danau ini. Namun, akalku
berkata, sebaliknya.

Bukan niatku untuk membuat engkau menunggu, tetapi aku yang masih belum
bersedia. Belum bersedia untuk meneruskan perjalanan ini, yang aku tahu,
penuh suka dan duka. Tak terhitung jemari aku, saat jernih keruh kita bersama.
Apakah ini namanya takdir ataupun pilihan, yang tak dapat aku elakkan?

Memori bersama terhapus jua. Seperti, coretan di pasiran, nama kita berdua,
di lenyapkan Sang Ombak. Pantas! Begitu pantas sekali ia pergi. Namun, apakah
dayaku menentang ketentuan Illahi...

Sabarlah sayang. Jikalau suratan yang menentukan, aku terima seadanya. Aku
redha dengan setiap yang dituliskan, sejak aku dirahim ibu..

Yes, i know, kind of tak gerek. But, this, i write, from the bottom of the bottom of my heart. More to come, cause, i am getting bored at home, at night. I am getting tired of aunty pek chin. I feel like quiting, but it ain't worth it.. It will put me to a great loss. Instead, i will persevere.

I need to mug like there is no tommorrooowwww..

2010-02-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

School was fine.
I cut myself when doing the radius for turning.
Just a small part of my Mr Thumb's skin, peeled off.
It bled.

Someone wanna like it. Disgusting. EWWW!
Zul is being so irritating that he changed my cup of ice tea with fahmi's.
In the end, got to know, i drank his, and fahmi drank mine. =))

I enjoyed analogue today. And i did alot of miscalculation. I rely to much on calculator.
That even, 10 plus 1 = 10. and 225 minus 100 = 325.
How smart can i be, kan?
Tall guy, said that, I'm cute. HAHA.
Well, its a compliment. I double check with him. He did not meant it in the other way round. HAHA. i know, i no shame. hehe.
Tamimi has been a great friend for c++ and analogue. I just realised, he can be as talkative as i am! hehe.

I love the bond with my fellow mates. I wanna stick with them for this 3 years i am in poly.
Back home, chatted with hr faris. this is what i got from him.

Lovely, isn't it??

**Y just broke u with her guy, and go kenal kenal with alot of guy from cyber. Then she ill treat them, despite their sincerity in befriending them. But, she's single. Is she a playgirl??**

Someone asked me this. I said partly yes, partly no. Yes, only if she gives hope. And no, if she doesn't give any hopes.

I am waiting.

p/s: i really do not have the intention. =(

2010-01-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

I am not being myself lately. I get angry and frustrated over small stuffs. It is definitely not moodswing. I just find it so hard to control my feelings, seriously. Naturally, i let the 'anger' hormones in me to screw myself up.

I went for graduation ceremony for my upgrade in belt. I got a pathetic 71%.
I know, i did not expect it also.
2 yrs of seasoning the pathetic colourless belt.
Maybe, another 2 yrs of waiting then go for graduation,again.
HAHA.

Ada perasaan yang bermain di lubuk hatiku. Yang aku sendiri tak mampu untuk
menghitung. Aku ingin luahkan setiap apa yang tersirat di dalam hatiku. namun,
aku tak berdaya. aku tak berdaya untuk berkata, mahupun menulis. bengkak di jiwa
ini semakin bengkak, bernanah. kerana, banyak yang aku pendamkan. aku ingin
kebahagiaan yang aku kecapi dahulu bersamanya. namun, hatiku berkeras. mana
mungkin hari yang aku lalui, aku teruskan dengan kebahagiaan tanpa insan yang
selalu dekat padaku? aku tulus menyayangimu. tulus hatiku mencintaimu. namun,
keegoanku menghalang kerna silap lalumu. maafkan aku kasih. aku rindu renungan
matamu. aku rindukan segalanya. sungguh.

I can lie to anyone, but not my feelings.

off.
p/s: sorry dad. sorry sayang.

2010-01-30T10:33:00.000-08:00

I had a fun time with hanisah-darling. Off to orchard and meet Elliyana for lunch at Takashimaya Seoul Garden. Then off to far east to get stuffs i had been eye-ING on. I bought a blouse, trousers and a bag. Same bag with that kentaang.

Met mama at causeway point, head to pasar malam, then home.

Wan gave me 3 pieces chicken from KFC, and that is my dinner. I only got 1 piece to eat, cause the rest my adik-adik curik.

I hated this love life given to me. Seriously. Whenever, i love and
treasured that someone alot, that person had never treasure and appreciate what
things i had done. It is never easy for me to fall for a guy. Especially to
accept someone as my partner. Someone i could share my sorrow and joy with. I
don't need a guy with high qualification, that puts on a vest to school, puts on
3 piece to date me out. I just need someone who could treasure and appreciate me
and my weaknesses.

To whoever it may concern:-

I miss you. Alot. But you.. You made me hide that feeling far from everything. Everything.

I lost my mood.

2010-01-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

I had to be frank. It wasn't me just now. Everything turned dull. And i really got bored of it.
Seriously. Its way too much, till i teared again. Twice during training. I am not getting myself ready for National Service, but i am getting myself physically fit only. I just don't care about the post given, i just wanna be an athlete.

Next week, last week of school, and then it is gonna be a study break for semestral exams.
Im just toooo tired of everything.

Mum don't let me go for tommorrow's selection. My leg, hasn't really cure. But, i ain't weak. Its just that, the time doesn't permits.

All the best then. =))

2010-01-27T05:39:00.000-08:00

I cried. Cause i lost one of my most precious thing. Really.

I don't know what made me be so clumsy.

But, i know..

I am dissapointed and angry at myself for being a grizzly clumsy bear.

No mood.

2010-01-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, friendly with SP was a blast.
I had two fights and 1 seni. That performance of mine, wasn't up to my actual standard. REALLY. I don't know why i trembled when i step into the arena. I took things too lightly. Especially my injuries. My old injuries which i got it two years ago and 3 weeks ago. Apart from the few reminders and warnings from concern pals and loved ones, i still carry on with the fight. It really really hurts. ALOT. The only thing i remembered was, ENDURANCE. =)

I saw shuhadah sayang on HER BIKE!
=))

Get to spend quality time with mama and sisters today. I really miss those time.

**This had gone to far. Way too much that i could not persevere anymore. I
am tired of everything. Every single thing that is happening around me. I wish i
could be an ignorant to my surroundings. I don't care what is happening anymore.
I just want to be on my own. Be a self-centred one, that no one bothers to know
what is happening to me. I am too young for this, really.**

I ain't smiling anymore. =(
Cause every single time i tried to, i could feel the tense that hurts my cheeks so much.
That i stop smiling and instead i...

2010-01-20T18:12:00.003-08:00

I AM HAPPY CAUSE I MET SHUHADAH SAYANGGGG YESTERDAY NIGHT!
I love the long talk with her.
And i miss going out with her.
I remembered when we went for cycling, i banged on the fence with my bike. And made a bangla laughed his ass out.
I remembered she took out coins from her pocket to buy drinks at sembawang seven eleven.
I remembered we spar at home and i slapped her out of the blue moon.
I remembered i cried when i quarelled with her cause i love her just too much. =))

I ended my individual presentation just now. And i got a B.

WAIT, i started to miss people from my secondary school. The one that i always hang out with after school. Get into much trouble during class. Finna, i know, you won't be reading this.. but i just miss those time when we share everything under the void deck.

I miss being a cadet. I prefer being a cadet to a cadet inspector. Seriously.

I am working today after 1 week i had not attend to customer and their lame needs.
=))

** how bad can i be **

2010-01-20T18:12:00.002-08:00

2010-01-20T18:12:00.001-08:00

Just end my formal presentation.
Nothing to describe about the speech i delivered just now..
BUT, atrotious lorr.
AHAHAH.
THEN! i forget i got one more slide to talk on, i passed the MIC to gary oready. ACTUALLY not mic, but the next person to talk to is him lah.

If i am able to upload pictures on my formal wear... then i will.
=))

I miss Nurul Aisyah.
I always end school late, training and werking till late night.
I just miss her craps, her hugs and kisses.
Really.
When i put on my formal vest just now, she touched my button and say, "kakak, why so big button??"
She's wonderful.
Really.

Okay then,
Au revoir.
Be good people.

2010-01-19T09:21:00.001-08:00

I believe that for everything that happens, there is always a reason.
&& I believe that GOD knows the best.

I get exhausted easily.
++ the strong migraine.
ESPECIALLY, when i think of..
the assignments that i oweee.

=))

Wish me luck peeps.

2010-01-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long absence readers.

Im busy with work, school work and projects plus trainings for friendly.
* Apologies to izaa syg for the injure i had caused.

School, i enjoyed most of the days. With great people ive met since April 2009. And guess what, i am ending my first yr soon in 5 wks time. IT MEANS, exams are on the way in 5 weeks time. I went to bowling with mas, fahmi and wan. during different occasion, enjoying myself like ive never did before. A very great experience to bowl with great people.

Work, pathetic customers never fail to make my life difficult. Complaints and lots of complaints. About the tele-pharmacy, which is an advance technology, still got stupid china lady, that have to standard to speak perfect english in SINGAPORE, says that SINGAPORE HAS GOT A VERY STUPID MEDICAL SYSTEM! Well, tell me facts on why SINGAPOREANS can live freely and healthily and had not breed any deadly diseases like your country. Im siding my COUNTRY's right for your information.

Training, i started to enjoy training at school as i bond with the people well, no more feeling like, whether this person like me or not. AHAHAH. CHILDISH. We bond well after the open house training especially. YA! the video, you guys can catch at my facebook profile. And that will be the last time i will be doing dangdut. AHAH. 5 days countdown to friendly. LOTS OF LUCK NYP.

Projects, projects are getting more and more and more and more. C++ are on my nerves. Stupid, cannot tolerate the lecturer anymore. Too much already. I just don't want to repeat any modules. Please. Comms skills have two upcoming presentation. Need to invest some on my formal wear.

Family, dad have got something wrong in his sound system.
Sis : Aaron tarik suhaila gi malaysia.
Ayah : HUH? Aaron tarik seluar kau kat malaysia??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I told him to use Haziq's ear thingy, then poke2 inside. HAHAHAH.

OKLAH! got to go!

Be good people.

2010-01-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

Anything might and may happen if you are desperate for money. Even if your resolution for the NEW year is not to take people money without people permission. Especially..if you are working and holding cash in your hands.

*enough said. too much clue.*

anw!!
new year resolution
-be a good girl.

HAHAHAA.

2009-12-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

Year end is going to come. And i realised how much days i had actually let it go. Just like that. But yeah.. here are some of the updates that i did not update.

First of, i was so shocked to see my O levels result. Something that i did not hope for with the very fair effort i out in for the examinations. And to move on to my poly life in Nanyang Polytechnic under Dip in Manufacturing engineering. Which, i admit, my choice cause of the practical work and all.

To meet nice and great people in my class like, Mas, Zul, Fahmi, Tamimi and etc. To those not mention in my class. I am very open to a very large social group of friends like, Bea, Nana, Wan and Co. They are a very nice bunch of people.

Plus, i found a new best dear friend, wardah. She might not be reading this, but i just would like to say how much i love and care alot for her. A very easy-going and sweet girl. Well, i miss nai'mah sayang alot. Plus hanisahhhh. and Piak. NOT FORGETTING MY BEST BUDDY or PARTNER IN CRIME, SHUHADAHHHHH.

Silat is grooving my life. HAHHAHAH. cant wait for friendly and open house performance.

Well, as for my love life...
Yad, dayah tak pernah sayangkan seseorang lelaki macam dayah sayangkan yad. Yad banyak ubahkan cara kehidupan dayah. Baek yang burok mahupun baek. Kisah kasih kita, banyak mengajar dayah erti kesabaran dan kesetiaan. Banyak pekara yang berlaku antara kita banyak membawa pengajaran dan pedoman dalam hidup dayah. Dayah tak pernah inginkan perpisahan seperti ini. Tapi yad banyak mencabar kesabaran dayah, seorang wanita berperasaan. Yad kongkong dayah. Yad tipu dayah. Yad mainkan perasaan dayah. 3 tahun kita lalui penuh dengan liku-liku kesedihan serta tawa gurau. Saat kita ke Vivo City, naek flyer. Dayah hargai setiap pengorbanan dan kebahagiaan yang Yad sematkan dalam hidup dayah. dayah tak inginkan perpisahan kita merubah kita untuk bermusuh. Dayah akan teruskan kehidupan dayah seperti sedia kala, seperti sebelum dayah temui yad. Yad, tahukah yad betapa dayah rindu saat gurau senda kita? Segala-galanya. Tapi mengapa yad mencabar dayah tiap tahun dengan tingkah laku yad?? Mengapa yad biarkan orang lain memburukkan hubungan kita jika benar itu adalah sesuatu pekara yang tak pernah yad lakukan? Yad, dayah tak ingin lagi teruskan hubungan yang dah retak seribu ini. Jangan paksa dayah. Sesungguhnya, yad tahu apa yang yad telah lakukan.. Perbaiki nya agar penggantiku nanti akan senang bersamamu......Aku iringi pemergiaan ini dengan doa dan salam sayang terakhirku...

But now,i had enjoyed my whole day with Wardah and Hanisah darling at bugis shoping and karaokeeeee! HAHAHHA.
Home till late midnight.

Take caring folks!

2009-12-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

I know i have not been updating properly and always.
Work had been so hectic. Super tired. And i manage to help two people to get a place in Admiralty Guardian. I just hope they won't regret working there.

Anw, i miss...
-my days with you
-my Girlfriends. naimah, shu and piak.
-spending time with my cadets.
-arwah nenek and ain.

*no particular order.

i hate taisheng.

i don't need new contacts or kenalan.

i need to work tmr.
bye

2009-12-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

Yad is back from camp. I miss his long and untidy hair suddenly. Well, he actually did build up in a week and so. I don't know how he withstand the food in HTA and his silat training suddenly became a silat-cum-police training. I don't know if he is doing this to train us for national service, but to think of it, girls don't have to do national service.

I know and i could feel the whole love you gave me. But the thing is, do you even care about my feelings? My feelings that you yourself had played with a couple of month after we made each other ours. Its you yourself that you should us, who start the game of playing whose feelings first. I am tired of this. Real tired. But i miss those time.

=_=

2009-12-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

When the someone that you had live and love destroy the hopes
that you built bit by bit over the years, it is as though a thin and long pin
poke through you bit by bit. A very small matter that accelerates to the
maximum. That isn't nice darling.

I had to spent my time wisely. To put the priority
right. So that there won't be a sense of regret in me. And all i will be
doing is staring in the space hoping that this won't repeat in my entire
lifetime.

I hope and wanna be a good daughter and sister. A loving lady
towards a lover. A nice friend to friend and a GREAT muslimah in the eyes of
ALLAH. But i always failed.

I just hope i could pull this through myself, without anyone
by my side. =))

2009-12-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

It has always been like this.. Whenever i am far from you... I began to miss you.. Then, i got sick cause i cried to much. Things are getting to a no good.

I am having fever.
Hot like hot dog.
Nose got cheese.
Mouth got water come out.
Head like spinning top.

Tmr silat at school.
NICE.

2009-12-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

You walk away with my tears. As i swept it away from my cheeks myself.

School is getting tougher. And i hate my comms skills result. Stupid.
I did a good deed to two people.
And, ive started studying.

2009-12-05T09:12:00.000-08:00

I am missing nurul darling.

My little tuyul gambret. hahaha.

She is away with mum and dad to melaka.

Din get to tag along cause having grading tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Countdown hidayah.

2009-12-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

When the time comes, it is always hard to bid farewell someone that might leave you for the sake of their passion and all. You know and realised why he had to leave. and yet, you still shed your tears for them. i know for sure, i would miss his companion most. I will pray the best for your well-being there. take care, dear. =)

School is putting a heavy heavy weight on top of me. And i hate it.

Went to swensens to have an ice-cream. with yad. as a cum of bday celeb and bidding him gdbye before his leave. enjoy. =)

Lil sis gave me this as an eraser. for school.

2009-12-01T06:47:00.001-08:00

Tiada kata yang selembut sutera, selain dari pujuk rayumu. Tiada kaca yang lebih
indah dari permata. Katakanlah bahawa aku 'kan sentiasa mendengar pujukkanmu.
Jadilah permata yang berkilauan agar hidupku tidak 'kan gelap dan kelam..
Maafkan aku, aku tidak sesempurna bidadari. Tak pandai aku luahkan kata empat
mata, kecuali melakarkan isi hati di sekeping kertas agar menjadi pegangan yang
takkan lentur dari hidupku. Namun, ini semua 'kan aku jadikan pedoman, semoga
aku tidak kecundang....

I look and stared hard at the graph that i drew for maths. Real hard. Real hard, that i could even imagine the life that i am going through follows the straight lines and curves. When i am happy, leading a blissful life, the line goes up, and there goes my gradient. When i reached at the peak of every struggle, it curved. And then slowly after trying and attempting the obstacles i had to, the line goes down and so it my gradient. From a positive number.. be a negative digit..

I keep telling myself, peseverance is the best excercise. And do'a is the best sentence. Every moment, every single moment, i place a certain amount of trust in myself, that i can be whom i used to be. AND at that very moment, i thought of the gradient that suddenly turn negative.

These few days, i kept thinking about things i am doing.
Idk y. =.='

I tried my best to put on a smile so that everyone around me will smile. I have to promise myself, i will take this obstacles very lightly. And seep it through.
Yes, i know, i can.

AND THAT SUFIAH VERY GATAL TUKAR THE LINK AGAIN. -_-

Labels : Shee shhaa.. =))

2009-11-27T09:26:00.001-08:00

"It takes a whole of lifetime to prove so."

I am getting rounder each day. So that i will go up one class. HAHA. I am motivated to do so, cause i saw this chubby round like ball boy at my werkplace eating chocolate ice-cream. HAHAHA. Then after work, i went to macdonald's and burnt my money on CHOCOLATE SUNDAE.. so mouth-waterinnnggg...

Its my first encounter when a CHINESE man say vulgar to a CHINA MAN! hahaha.
SEE wad i mean in my dunnoe wad month posT???

I had never knew this would go this far. As far as i-dunnoe-what.

I never knew seaweed shaker fries are delicious. Thanks hanisah sayang.

"Leave a while for a moment."

2009-11-26T09:03:00.001-08:00

WEEEE~

Back from work. Such a long day today. Had formal presentation, and yah, i forget to take alot alot of pictures of me in formal. HAHAH. The comment i had was smiley and confident. A little too little for content. I wasnt ready actually and i lost my focus because zul is enjoying laughing of what-i-dunnoe his reasons are.

Went to bugis yesterday.

The thing is, he still wanna ask me out before his N.S. and i wish and hope.. he will be doing great there.

Somebody is hinting something. scary, but i loike! HHAHA

Selamat hari raya aidil adha..!

JOM GIE SEMBELIH saper2 yang merosak dan menjahanamkan hidupku!

2009-11-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

I love you alot and i know i will always do remember the good times we had together. No one ever appreciate what good i brought. Including you. Never do you thought of the sacrifices made for you. The time i give-in to alot of things just for you. I got nothing in return. Talking about everything... Yes, i miss the time we had together. And now.. i have to let it fade away..

Cause, there is no chances of us getting together again..

Goodbye love.

2009-11-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

Today was okaay luh.

Went to school, escaped lecture. HAHA. Cause was so sleepy due to yesterday midnight celebration.

After school met Yad at dhouby ghaut.

He bought me a dress at This Fashion.

Brought me to Istana Park for photo taking.

Pictures not yet uploaded.

We talked about something there, but yet, my answer are still the same.

Went to S.G.H to visit his grandma then head off home with him.

I had this comment from one of my friend. "You dressed so lady-like. You walk very sopan. You react to strangers finding fault with you so maturely. But i just cudden imagine, u wearing a ring on your fingers with your torn knuckles. As a sign of seasoned punchings. HAHHA."

2009-11-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

Kay guys and girls, spell 17 with me pleaaaase...
S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N!
Great. I am already 17! haha.
17 years of living.
Mum and dad did not organise any party like they used to, instead, they waited for me to come back work yesterday and celebrated with me. It was a surprise. WAIT! SUPPOSED to be a surprised. ASK ME WHY?!

Nurul, the kpo-iest family member of mine leaked out certain information to me. HAHA. She told me the presents that mum and dad and syira bought for me and all. HAHA. So we celebrated as a family.

GOT SABO-ED!

TODAY, went to east coast for dinner. Part of the celebration too..

Once again, thanks to those who made an effort to wish me. Regardless on facebook, text or even face-to-face. Thanks alot. There are just too many to mention.

To someone:-

I nak sangat sambut hari jadi I dengan u. Sambut tarikh kelahiran i dengan u. Tapi, macam-macam pekara yang menghalang. Maafkan i kalau i pentingkan diri sendiri dalam membuat keputusan untuk hubungan kita. Walau aper pun keputusan i, i harap sangat you dapat terima dengan rela hati. Sekian lama terjalin hubungan ini, i rasa bersyukur sangat ditemukan insan seperti u. Yang banyak berkorban apa jua. I berterima kasih atas sisa kasih yang u taburkan pada i. I hargai setiap kata-kata dan perbuatan u terhadap i. Biarpun yang telah berlalu atau yang akan datang, memori kita tak akan lenyap dari ingatan i. I tak nak bersama seseorang hanya kerana perasaan sayang dia yang tebal tetapi juga kerana tanggungjawab dan karaktur insan itu. I harap, jika you betul-betul nekad memilih hati i, ubah lah you.. I merayu kat you. I dah cukup terseksa dengan kenangan lama.. i ingin bahagia kali ini....

2009-11-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.
I had this sickness that i could barely endure. Wake up early for lessons and tranining. The thing is that, i lacked of sleep. So, just now, went to silat. Met hakim and syahir at causeway. Tag along with them. I really really regretted for not attending training on regular basis and train consistently. I cudden even run as fast as i did before. I am a loser last week. But this week, i think i doing better but not fine. I know, and even my seniors know that this is not my ultimate best.

I spoke to one of them online just now. I told them the reason why i had to give up trainings sometime. I explained to him slowly and glad enough, he is very understanding. So now, i guess, he realised why i escaped training always and also, maybe, regretted for scolding me the other time. HAHA?

After that, i rushed home to get ready for work. At first i told Nurul to wake me up at 3.15pm. But i cudden tahan the heavy eyes. So i extended till 3.30. Aunty pek chin called me and asked me, why i am late.. SO i said i am from school. And i say i will reach there at 5pm. Upon realising the time i get to sleep is increasing, i slept till 4pm. ahhaha.

I still managed to reach on time.

Customer today got some very friendly. Some stupid. This time round plus sell is chocolate cadbury 2 for $2.00. So this lady bought 16 pieces. The next man saw her grab alot, so he say, he wants 10 crunchie. hahah. kiasu kan? Hakim, zaf and her bf pass by guardian. Hakim just said hello but din bought anything. haha.

Maafkan diriku

Aku tak sesempurnamu

Untuk terus bersatu

Demi janji yang kita bina dulu..

Kau buatku seperti angin yang berlalu

Yang datang kian pergi begitu

Bukanku tak sayangi dirimu

Namun, hakikatnya kita tak seperti dahulu..

Tiada kata seindah kasih

Tiada janji seindah setia

Tiada erti jikaku pergi

Jikalau kau masihku cinta..

Biarlah ia berlalu

mengoretkan kenangan kita

Agar kau dan aku

sentiasa ingat kisah kasih kita..

Labels : I miss you, love.

2009-11-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

I just ended silat. Gelanggang was fun. School is getting boring and lesser people. *I wish that person meant what he said.* *OH!! Bring me out,please...* ^_^ ( gatal ).

Demo is nearing. I am having problem with the sabet. It just din want to turn and twist between my fingers. 'S'

Disgusting Zu. Black or White?

The skittles. ~

To sufiah sayang: NAH! I had uploaded the pictures we snapped! Take! AMEK! ahahha...

To someone whom i think you know who you are :

-Yes, i do still love and need u like i used to. Time change and go. Its ur turn to get busy later on. I know you won't be thinking of me much. Let us be with the flow.. and let fate decide our destination. Take care, love.

I saw someone reading a book titled, "Five love quotes for singles" and "Make all man run after you". Cute huh. Read that type of book in train and let the man look at you like nobody's business.

2009-11-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

UUUUUUUUUUUUU!

SO SLEEPYY.

Yesterday after meeting my sayanggg for a movie and lunch, i had to go to work.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I FREAAKING MISS HER!!!! hahaha.

THAT IS WHAT I CALL REAL 'EFF' FRIENDS! hahaha. =)

We were the noisiest in the cinema.. And we talked loudly as if it was our WOODGROVE SCHOOL HALL. HAHA. And the most surprisingly, we wore the same type of BAJU! SWEET KAN!

PICTURES LATER!

Work was like...'S'

WANNA KNOW WHY?!

The full-timers at admiralty guardian make the part-timers like pig. But actually, they are no way better than us. I had to come all the way just to clear the fishing stocks that they ordered. And they stand at the cashier pos doing cashiering. The other one, talked on phone. They pinpoint at each other when they themselve did what they say to others. BODOH kan.

THEN THIS STUPID CUSTOMER, A CHINESE OLD FREAK walked in to our shop caryying a dog when at the door/window sign says, no pets are allowed. 'S'. WHEN I TOLD HER NICELY, she asked me, "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU?" Lagi stupid. Then not happy ask for the HEADQUARTER NUMBER. WAH PIANG!

Chaki told me to write a long long report with Cik Sanisah. LIKE!!! EEEE! i hate kiasuuu-es.

LABELS : If you had to forego... will u..??

2009-11-09T09:06:00.000-08:00

Somebody's haircut is a total gross uh. Very disturbing to my eyes. HAHA.
Zuhilmi and Tamimi just cudden get sensitive oveer the sombebody hair. And they joke and make fun of it till they laugh their asses of in classes. First was about the picture on his profile. Then, it was his hair. To them, its like Tamimi its like mushroom and to Zuhilmi say that it is like helmet.

HAHA. Gross.

It was a very very long day in school. And, i still hate computer programming. Especially the teacher uh! hahaa. My friend knows what happen. LOL! It happened a week ago and yet i still can remember.

Well, i entered lab late today. I walked in like a star, and got greeted by a group of people. HAHA. how sweet. They were doing their things when they saw i walked in, they dropped their werk piece and began to curse each other. Stupid i shall say. From school, straight head off to work.

OK lahh.. Not so tiring, prolly, it is the cause of the short hours. But, my business at the pharmacist side is very2 good uhh. Till the computer lagg seh.

My birthday wish list :
* a digital branded watch (long-term use)
* a brand new shoulder bag
* a black long skirt
* a treat at seoul garden
* pimple lost solution (haha)
* ice-cream from swensen
* a pair of new clothes
* prince.

AHAHA. anyone willing to give?? hahaha

p/s: I miss those time. As i want to hear you everytime.. =)

LABELS : Ouh....

2009-11-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

SHE REALLY REALLY PISSED ME! AND! can you shut the hell up???

GOSH!

2009-11-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

I am gonna give this post a very long and formal post. And i know for sure, after reading this post, he will ask me alot of queston which i think, i will be ready for it. ;)

I had never thought that i am going to end this this way. I am afraid of leaving in the dull dull world with no one to turn to and love that i could get. He was the nicest element i had ever met since. And he is the sweetest sweet that i had every had. The best drug that mixes well with the alcohol to keep it going. He knows that i love him that very much that every single time i breath, i whisper his name underneath.

Back then, i had never went home alone without any company. From him especially. I never had to check my phone every moment waiting for his texts or calls. Cause i know, he will surely do it. But now, everything has to leave it to oneself. Though, this is the end to what i had call upon for, i still waits for his msges and calls. I miss the time we laugh our asses off to a very silly and funny thing that the both of us shared. I miss his warm fingers wiping off my tears when i weep that i am afraid to lose him. I miss the warmth and secure he gave me every single time i am by his side.

I miss texting him where i am going and all. I miss the night msges and greetings. I miss the whole thing i went through with him together. I love him still. But yet, as days pass by, the ego in me swells more and more, just that, it makes me even stubborn that i could lead my own way without him. I wanna be with him for all i could. but it's just too early for me to set my commitment and all. i wanna focus on things i wanna do. cause i wanna be the best. i had failed a lot of times. and yet, i kept persevering. But why, love make me so weak, that i even need a pair of ears and eyes listening and looking at me everytime i feel like weeping?

Now, i sleep without any wishes. He sleeps all by himself. Holding the anger,sadness and everything that he usually share with me and all. I tried my best to be the one that he had been looking for. But every time i'm away a few steps, i fell. Cause i always turn back to the past. to the past mistake he did. I know, its totally unfair, but..its just me.. If he were to love me all his heart. he should and have to accept the weaknesses in me... but, he just cudden. yet, he pull me down and tell me straight to me, that i am the biggest failure as if.

-i am tired of missing you. i am tired of wishing..but this is all i could do.. cause i kept waiting for you.... suddenly i felt, u need me no more...

labels: i miss you,love.

2009-11-04T16:42:00.001-08:00

Communication Skills. Same lecturer with my last semester Personal Development lecturer. what a big big big bore to hear sumone talking about something that have got to do nothing with my life. AHHAAH. actually, there is lahh.

Everyone rarely listen to her, most of us including me.. facebooking, blogging, chatting and gaming. haha.

Yesterday was the very first time i went for my training in school after a long long time. Dun even tok about my timing. To run around the track 4 rounds is like WOW! hahaha. AND for the first time i gave up on track. FUHYOH! pls, my kicking. MAK AIII! rabak bangatttttt.

AND NOW! i am having cramps. Today, still got running and seni training. SHUCKS!

I dun need you to kip pondering on my past mistake, or now.

I am no one perfect and so are you.

If your presence is just to cheat my feelings,

please take a leave.

LABELS: im trying.

2009-11-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

I din get a chance to blog about my celebration with him.

and there is a fullstop to it.

now, who is to be blamed?

Im sorry, love.

Labels: Leave.

2009-10-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

Such a long break. Well, school started, so.. busy i very am.

The STC 2009 was okeh. Especially my group that i am in-charge of. ECHO. again haha.
They are very cheerful bunch of people. With lots of mischief. I do miss the craps that they crap about. The problems they gave me during the camp. Ya, first of all, the kids were giving me attitude faces, but after the team building game, i joined them to play, we bonded real well.

I know, i am bad by asking them to throw the food that they threw in the forest that was infested with forest ants/ army ants. I know i am being bad by complaining to the camp co-ord about the attitude that they gave me. Got them into real trouble. But after all, whatever i did or punish them, it is still for their own good. To be responsible leaders in the future. Pictures i took with them will be uploaded soon. Well guys, if you are reading this blog of mine, thanks for being a great bunch of people... Take care.

School for semester two had started. Gonna be a week tmr. And lots of things to catch up. I am aiming for better GPA for this sem. I wanna continue to U. for me myself. and my family. insya-allah.

Labels : It won't take any longer anymore.

2009-10-17T10:29:00.001-07:00

Today was like.. i do not know how to describe the situation and events that happen today. Hubbie went for a holiie at Muar with his fam. I am missing him alot. And now.. things that happen in my family..Ugh!

"Knp susah sgt nak ader perasaan bersyukur dengan apa yang telah diber-NYA? Knp asek nak mintak lebeh dan lebeh? Di mana kah perasaan kesyukuranmu? Di mana letak nya perasaan simpati buat seorang insan yang tiada tempat berteduh? Yang tidak tentu makan minum nya? Mengapa berat sangat dugaan yang sedang menimpa keluarga ini? Apa hendak mu sehingga ini yang harus berlaku?"

Haish ntah lahh..
Hubbie, u tak ader.. I tak ader tempat mengadu kecuali rakan rapat i bie. Cepatlah alek.. Tapikan.. U balek pun... i bz bangat. i kat pulau ubin. reception pun tak tentu... Tapi takper... Dah smp...strait kol i... I am missing u alot and always.

Goodnight sweet heart.;(

Labels : I am counting down.

2009-10-10T09:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday recee at Pulau Ubin was fun. Especially when the echo mates unite.

All the jokes and laughter, somehow, quench my feelings.

We had to cycle the way we want the cadets to use and I am supposed to lead the way lah kan. Lucky got Asri and Jia Tian to help me with.

Skali heavy rain like what seh. Have way to belatok hut. Damn wet.

Yes, i got dirtied.

After that, i rushed home to get ready for Uncle Faizal's invitation to his 'open house'. wore orange with hubbie. Brought nurul and syira along. Hubbie's mate says that, hubbie and are like television entertaining them. HAHA. You know why? Cause, hubbie just can't stop teasing me. And hubbie complained to umi of the bruise i gave him on his body cause of the pinches i gave him. HAHA. I'm sorry.

I made a terrible sin just nw, i kicked him on his thigh not realising his phone is in the pocket. I'm sorry again.

I was mesmerized by what he said last night. The sincerity he tried showing me. Yes, i know, and i get what you are trying to convey. but the thing is, can you prove it bie? i told you, i love you for who you are... Not what you are. My ego is swelling everything i am on moodswings. It is really irritating. I swear. I dun wanna be like what i acted like just now, but it was just to hard for me, to hold on to ur arms like i always did.

Now, because of the rain and all, throat is worsening. My nose running.

Labels : I nid food.

2009-10-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

Definitely i got alot of things to blog about. About raya outings, about my daily routines. See. I don't even have the time to blog everyday. Basically, i am bored. But i am occupied. Real occupied. My tutee is having her EOY and so is my sisters. SISTERS. Both, i tell you. Mum and dad are having their swings, so, i am fairly affected.

Well, i am done raya-ing with my fellow friends, Primary, Secondary, Poly and even GUARDIAN mates. HAHA. How kiasu can i be? Pictures, LATER.

I know i am a little bit outdated about school's results. Well, i managed a pass. Alhamdulilah. And the time table for next semester are out. Holy crab. Two days, 8 am lectures. HAISEYY.

Then, guardian at admiralty had ended their renovation. And thus, its spring cleaning for all the staffs. Tmr, i will be attending perjumpaan raya at Bukit Batok, host by Uncle Faizal. Hubbie had talked about me also being under uncle. And so, what ever decision made by uncle, must be adhere with. So, wish me luck for the upcoming grading. Haish.

Tomorrow recee at ubin. Gonna be busy busy busy.

Enjoy.

Labels : I've grown rounder i guess.

2009-10-05T09:55:00.001-07:00

ITCHY naimah changed her URL again.
Met the secondary school peeps. Okay lah.
Not much changes accept for marlina.. with more holes on her body.
HAHA. Plus their hair colour2.

Guardian at admiralty is on renovation, and hence there is a lot of dust. ALOT, i tell you.
I heck-care the customer and sneezed alot of time. Alot, i tell you again.
The contractor were laughing his asses out i guess. Raydene and aunty pek chin donnoe do wad at the back. I cudden hold on to my eyes anymore. damn heavy, HEAVY, I tell you.
So when no customer, i walked all the way to the back and talk2 to aunty. I tell raydene do cashier, then i terperanjat berok cause hubbie right beside me.

*(Miss chua and aunty inside pharmacist counter. I outside, talking2.
Facing them.)
Ms. C : Yes, may i help you?
*silence* i assume the customer shook his/her head.
After i am done talking. i turned, i jumped, my heart skipped a beat.
Hubbie was right in front of me, staring at me like. OMG. terperanjat
seh.

I miss him alot. Ate meltz at KFC. sure gaadoh.

I am really2 tired. Lack of sleep. really.

Labels : Inconsistency.

2009-10-03T09:43:00.001-07:00

This post specially dedicated to you, dear.

Every time i breathe, i got hiccups. Every time i cough, i sneeze. Every time i think, i think about NEXT. I cudden wait for 271009. But i am afraid, that i cudden get hold of it. I wanna be his birthday present again. The best one that could listen, talk and hold of you. The thing that happens often now is, for me to shed my tears. I no longer could stop it from strolling. But as each second past, i begin to get frightened and even petrified.

After the long message i texted to hubby last night after we hang up our call, i discovered a positive change in hubbie behaviour. He did not react like he used to last time when i talk about the freedom i wanted. The freedom i meant was, not to be freed from him, but for him to understand what is in need of me. I need the time not only stucking my ass at home when he is out somewhere. But instead to be able to socialise myself like i used to before i am with him. I know, i would keep on breaking his trust if he would not give me what i exactly wanted. I just need him to understand my everything. The whole thing in me. I do not want to regret on what may and would happen in later days. It has been 3 wonderful years being on this roller coaster ride with him. And this ride is the ride i treasured most. He is way off different from my previous. I am unsure if they might read this, but heck care. Hubbie did not only steals inches of my heart each second/day, but he also bring me to lala land. It a'int funny. Instead is is holy true. Sickos. Only Sickos thinks that it is false. He isn't mushy at all times. He isn't a bore. He is the only one that could irritate, scold, beat me real bad but he still manage to draw a smile on my face from ear to ear. Definitely. U think it is easy to do that? Have you ever had a couple that you could hit them real hard till they injured, like the pain when a heavy few tonnes of roller cages run on you little tiny weeny toe, but yet, you still manage to laugh your ass off after that? well, hubbie is the one that i am talking of. The one that I could, laugh, cry, venge my anger on at any particular seconds i need. WWW, have you ever heard a convo like this....

"I love you like hell. Burning hell, seriously. I fu*king love you alot." and
when its your turn to get muchy on stuff, this happens. "Hubbie, i would wipe
your tears even from a far distance." and he went on saying, "Batin ke?
(Black magic)". It really spoil my romance mood. HAHA.

"You are the torch that lit the darkest path that i walked
through. You are my amazing partner for this exciting and amazing roller coaster
ride. WOOhoo. I bet you know what i mean."

2009-10-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

2009-10-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long and lost absence.
Well, went out with the old clicks.
Naimah, Lin, Izan, Haiqal, Acap and Zakaria.
Alot of things change lahh kann. Macam so fast gitu.
Naimah house is directly beside Pioneer Primary, i was so reminded of the past when i ran to my mum cause i missed her so the muchhh lah kan. Because she was busy with work and looking after late sister at hospital. And when i was punished because i din hand in my homework.

HAHA.
small kid those days.
Remember?

Naimah,
I read your blog and was very touch.
I may find or found a new best friend in my secondary school but no one can replace you. You may be irritating when you claim that you are not pretty. Because of this and that. But in my eyes, for years, i'd never feel jelak and muak looking at you. And especially the sincerity in you being my friend my darling over the years. You;ve grown so much that i treasure you more and more naimah. Do take care of urself dear.

Hubby, I had always wanted to be what other girls are. To be loved and
understand of their needs and all. I had never blame you for what you did. But
its the trust that i need. sometimes i feel agitated cause i cudden do what i
should be doing as a young adult. I wanna enjoy the meaning of teenager before i
really step into the adulthood. The moment i have to be ready for any
circumstances and all. I know, and you do know how much i really love you and
treasure you presence in my life. You changed the way i used to be. The one that
don't talk but shout. The one that don't walk in the most feminine way to the
one that able to walk with heels and handbag. The one that don't cry but yell.
The one that begin to understand the word lady, feminine, gorgeous beautifully.
I let you do what you wanna do, but why you just cudden understand me so? I
don't wanna regret in the later stage,dear. I really don't.

2009-09-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

Today was a little awesome. Asri and Jasper came over before open house started. We started planning. Including the resting time and all, they went back at around 8.30 say? I means, from 11.30 to 8.30 pm. Then as i layan tetamu and blablabla. Hubbie and hakim reached. He said tak jadi, padahal kat living room. So, being a negligence, i tried sleeping in my mum room before bibik came to wake me up telling me, Yad kat lua.

Ok, it was a surprised though it was not the first time.

I just cant wait for recee at pulau ubin and camp at pulau ubin. I am really exhausted and i dont have enough and sufficient sleeps. Stupid. I am sleepy.

I feel that it won't go far anymore. It will come to normal and firm
fulstop. Cause i could feel, the caring someone is neglecting me. This happen,
not because of the trust anymore. BUT just one, it is because of the love that
decreases each moment, prolly. It is not happening like it used to. I miss your
warm hands around me. I just feel, i would axphyxiate more and had dificulties
to smile. Just a normal teeny weeny smile.

Labels : I miss the old you.

2009-09-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Family Picture. With the absence of late granny.

Miss her.

The little mischievious one.

The day when i and hubby when out.

Initially, we planned to wear blue this year. But Since guardian is celebrating its 37 years with you and for you.. Why not? HAHA

I can't wait for a new mobile phone. The phone that i am gonna buy with my own titik peloh. Direct translation will be.. Bits of sweat? HAHA.

I can't wait to go out with bestiess. Jurong jurong. HAHA.

I miss Naimah and her crapps.

I miss Lin and her BLUR BLUR.

HAHA.

OK. Bye.

Labels : Soon. =)

2009-09-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

It had been awhile. And still i feel that i am not important in you presence. I
know i am making wild accusations to accuse you of neglecting me. But at times,
its not only that hand of yours to be around me, the words of love and missing
me always to linger in my thought, but its the act of yours that counts. I
had never been a great 'someone' to you. And i just wish and hope that 'someone'
will come to cherished your every moments. I am not trying to overcome who you
are. And as that ego swells in you, i thought, i am being self-centred. I don't
know what i am talking about. I myself don''t understand. Then, how can i
make you understand?

Labels : I am tired of it.

2009-09-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

Bergema takbir memuji kebesaran ILLAHI, syahdu hati terusik jiwa. Mengenang kembali betapa cepatnya masa berlalu. Sayang sekali, ramadhan ini, kesempatan yang diberi tak aku gunakan sebaik mungkin. Aku lali akan tanggungjawabku sebagai seorang muslimah. Mudah sekali setiap insan berkata, manusia tak lari dari khilaf dosa, fikirlah wahai hamba ILLAHI, jika itu prinsip setiap manusia, tiada yang akan hindari dari melakukan kesilapan...Bukan kah begitu??

Sedang aku asyik mendengar takbir, aku leka memikirkan yang telah tiada. Yang akan pergi bersama masa pada akhir ramadhan ini. Tercalit sedikit demi sedikit kenangan bersama, waktu membuat persiapan hari raya. Titisan demi titisan air mata bergenang. Tak dapat lagi ku tahan sebaknya dada.

Kini, harus aku atur jari jemariku, yang kaku, untuk pohon maaf buat semua. sempena bulan syawal yang menjelang. Hiasilah hidup mu dengan rahmat yang Allah berikan, agar terjamin masa yang akan datang. Insya-ALLAH.

~Sekian, selamat hari raya.. Maaf zahir dan batin.

Labels: It takes two hands to clap.

2009-09-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

Raya preparation was hectic. Since, Insyira refuses to wear pink on first day, we had to change the colour to other. The pick was BLACK, again. Well, alhamdulilah that we still afford to get everyone a piece, at least, of a new outfit.

Hubby and me will be wearing orange this year. He bought me a kebaya. He pampered me just too much that dad even commented on it. Well, see how far it goes. *grins*

Syira birthday was over. I got her a Manchester United Jersey. Hubby got her a wallet. Mum and dad got her a guitar. Enough of that. Just wishing her a happy life throughout. May a blissful journey, she'll lead. All the best, dear.

Syira,
Akak tau ela akan bacer post akak. Akak nak ela tau betapa sayang akak pada adik2. Tak ader kurang atau lebih buat korang. Sebagai seorang akak, akak nak lihat setiap kejayaan akak korang jejaki dan setiap kegagalan dan kelemahan akak korang jadikan pedoman untuk masa yang akan datang. Tak ader orang sempurna,dik. Termasuk akak. Akak tau, akak pernah gagal menjadi seorang akak yang baik buat korang. Akak harap adik2 akak dapat terima akak seadanya. Jangan hampakan harapan mama dan ayah. Setiap harapan mama dan ayah adalah setiap permintaan yang harus kita langsaikan bersama, dik. Akak tau, untuk belajar bukan perkara yang mudah. Apatah lagi untuk berjaya dalam setiap bidang. Perlahan-lahan, adik akan dapat garap setiap kesusahan dan kepayahan meniti proses pembelajaran ini. Akak akan sentiasa menjadi pendengar dan penasihat yang setia buat setiap adik2 akak. Akak harap, tahun yang akan datang ini, ela akan lebih tekad dan bersemangat untuk belajar. Kalahkan setiap markah akak, akak tk kecewa,dik. Tapi akak bangga sekurang-kurangnya, aik-adik akak lebih bijak dari akak. Tapi, janganlah adik lupa asalmu. Janganlah adik lupa bahawa, sebelummu ada insan yang sudah melalui titi itu.. Agar kau menjadi insan yang sempurna di satu hari kelak. Amin.

LABELS : Take care.

2009-09-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

Exhausted.
Hubbie's friend did not manage to turn up to help my paint my house. So i did it with hubbie and a little help from Syira. Nurul was testing my patience too much till I yelled and dragged her to the dining table. She cried helplessly but i won't care less. I just cudden understand myself. I tend to get out of control sometimes. I get angry and sad out of no reason. By all it means, i think, i am better at bottling it up and keeping it in me. I get very little sleep and tomorrow will be my second round of painting. The balcony and dining room left..

~ dad was teasing me. he said i was hardworking like i never before. and he said, "JARANG orang perempuan cat(paint not cat)rumah."

~ but the manly ego in him just refuse to agree with me that there are ladies tht paint their house.. I mean, that is the only time to get dirty reasonably so those, "ee here, ee there, ee ee everywhere."

I hate it if people uses their intelligence as a weapon. seriously stupid.

Tomorrow, i will get my outfit with hubbie for raya. Just cudden wait. In fact, I miss him so much. "Sesungguhnya Kami sedang berpuasa.."

LABELS : Love you like i never did.

2009-09-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

ok, i am going to do this like i never did before.

I just miss being good like i used to. But i just wanted to be bad so that people won't say, "Look, stepping on her head is uberly easy.". But i know, this will turn me 360 degrees inhuman. Which, i don't want it to happen. It is all about the sacrifces made for this to happen you see. Well, i know, none of you understand what i am trying to convey here, but as a lady that shouldered alot of responsibilities, i think, some things are meant to be untold. Just as much i realise, i forgot all about my malay vocab that i had squeezed out from my human brain during my O levels which is June last year. It has been a year i stop writing malay composition and i do realise that i am getting far from worst in my malay language. I tried, but i cudden, it sound so funny lahh.. oklah, i wud try once here. And if it really sound stupid, just shut up.

Tak aku sangka begitu pantas masa berlalu. Meninggalkau aku terpinga-pinga mengira waktu. Tersusun rapat jari jemariku, hanya untuk mengukur masa yang tiada akhirnya. Kini sudah tiba masanya, umat Islam membuat persiapan perayaan bersama ahli keluarga dan insan yang di sayangi. Tak terluput jua pada insan yang telah pergi. Bukan itu yang selalu terjadi pada pagi raya? Menziarah makam orang yang tersayang. Biarpun bertahun berlalu, namun, namamu kekal di ingatan. Adinda yang pergi kerna terseksa dengan penyakit, membuat aku terkenang kembali saat dikau memanggilku kakak. Membuat air jernih mengalir dari kelopak mataku. Halus wajahmu ku belai, dikala saat terakhir aku tatapi wajahmu, kini hanya tinggal potret mu di dalam genggamanku..

Nenda yang menjadi teman hidupku sejak ku di bangku persekolahan. Yang hanya tiada ngerti untuk membaca dan menulis, menaruh harapan buatku seorang. Untuk belajar hingga ke menara gading.

HANYA Al-FATEHAH boleh ku hadiahkan, buat bekalan di masa depan..

AMIN.

2009-09-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

It was done all over again.

"She is lovely."

Labels : SAID by a wisdom man.

2009-09-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

Beneath my breathe i uttered i love you.
Deep in my heart i knew i missed you.

It was my working day today. I knew i am falling sick and sicker each day. Feeling like it is ending soon and sooner. Just as much i seem to bother, later in me, I said, this is all. I what i could. And prove to him as much as i could.

I had endless night thinking. When this will end? I thought it won't, but it just did today..

Hubbie break fast with me at admiralty KFC. WE ate 2 piece chicken. Thats all i guess. HEH. Actually no, there is still chocolate that we bought on different occasion on the same day and place even. Though, i cudden fast, but i still manage to refrain from eating and drinking just to respect fello malay customers that are fasting and my lovely friend.

I am sorry, if I am the cause that it happens. Please, get back as before. Hari raya eve is coming, the day we are celebrating the victory and plus asking and giving forgiveness.

LABELS : Just get backk...

2009-09-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Went for an outing with hubbie to geylang. Umi, mira and nadrah tagged along.

Ive just got this to say..

"You don't understand the meaning of prioritise"

Labels : Who cares?

2009-09-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

I am getting bored-bored-ded and even bored. Im tired and so tired.

With the life im going through, i know it could not get me anywhere. Having a close companion like the one you love, sure enuf u are going to have alot of ups and downs. I had my downs yesterday. Its really terrifying that you know you will almost lose the one you love.

~ misunderstanding, what else.

I am tired of waiting of all night. All alone. Waiting for kols every now and then. Waiting for answers every moment. The vibration to my cell phone. The patience in me is getting thinner. I do know how else to withstand the overslept moment. The first thing that i hope for is to get a morning msg from him. But all i get is by looking at the time and whine and sigh and close my eyes. I pretend to sleep but actually im waiting for his msg. I tried my ultimate best not to teared, but things in me aren't strong enuf. Im just asking a day of your time with me.

Labels : i am exhausted.

2009-08-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

Im blogging. I appealed to work at guardian back. And yes, i was accepted. Basically, i had already work there for two days. I was the cashier on the second day and so this is what basically that happen.

"Hi good morning sir, welcome to K... Err... would you like to get the chocolate for $1.95?"
HAHA. When actually i am in guardian.

"Thank you ma'am. Enjoy you mm.. Er... Enjoy your day."
I almost said enjoy your meal when there is no meal to be enjoyed.

And tomorrow, i need to do floor. Good luck. Well, i hope, ppl will help me to carry and push the balaks. They were like sindir-ing me...Working at guardian.. Im a multi work worker..

LABELS: I MISS HUBBIE ALOT!

2009-08-25T07:43:00.001-07:00

Blogger start the virus-oh-my again. Stupid. Really stupid you know.

Sorry for the long vacation. HAHA. As if. I wanted to find another place to blog other than blogger. But, there is just too many memories i sealed before, in blogger. And so, i let it be. Just hope blogger get its medication back.

Well, it is already Ramadhan. And here it is...

Syukur ke hadrat ILLAHI.
Atas peluang yang diberi.
Untuk bertemu Ramadhan tahun ini.

LABELS : Selamat menyambut Bulan Ramadhan.

2009-08-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Today was amazing. Hubbie was a great companion, really. Went to Greenridge to have our breakfast cum lunch at banquet. A very nice and marvellous plus scrumptious meal. Then head of to Bukit Panjang park, i think. The first place where i and hubbie dated. Then headed back hubbie house.

From there we go and meet Uncle Faisal. Had dinner and serious talk. Im appauled by the motivations by Uncle. I mean, who expect so? All this while, i thought hubbie was one-sided. But when i heard it from other party, i had this feeling to go further than where i am now. I know, by saying is just saying. But i wanna make it a vow. To reach the furthest of my ability peak. I just hope, idol like hubbie, will bring me to my dream destination. Insya-allah.

And now..i have to get ready for exams.

Toodles.~

Labels : I need more sleep.

2009-08-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

Blogger behaved already.

At last, i could blog normally with alot of colours and font size.

I am in school library right now. Super and very stress over the upcoming semester exams. Life had been so down for me. Real down that i teared every single night since tuesday last week. I cudden stand the pressure that people put on me.

Mum, Dad :-
Yes i know, i am the role model of my younger siblings. I am the one whom you put high hopes on me. I am no other than a normal human being that had to face failure in life. Real life that i just come upon. I realised and do know that i am not a good daughter to you. The one that make you regret of having a teenage in your life. I had no idea why and what is the reason to it. I know and aware of the sacrifices made by you in your daily life to let the family have a spoon of rice at least. But what about my sacrifices that i made all this while. Working while i study. Yes, i know its not abnormal for poly students to work as they study but, im doing triple work. I study, i work i give tuition to 2 students. To find money to support myself so as not to burden you at all. Im sorry for being an imperfect person in my real life.

Hubbie :-
No matter how hurtful it is, to always face the time we had our arguments, i had always prayed the best for you in your life no matter, with or without me. I had always showered you with the bestest and greatest love i had for. I am not the girl living next door to you, but i am the girl that i knew will shower you with alot of love and care that no other girl may give. Yes, i may sound ego or something, but being with you is just the wish that i had always wished for. I love you. Thanks for being by my side and always.

What is school without exams?
What is exams without stress?
Oh god, give me the strength to carry on with what i had begin. And to end it well just like i begin with.

Bak kater pepatah, ada muler, ader akhir. Ader pintu, ader kunci. ada masalah ada solusi.

2009-08-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

Blogger is still misbehaving.
I overnight-ed with hubbie at CDANS & whoever it is.
Congrats Hubbie for the bizzare n great promotion.

Labels : i won't leave you..

2009-08-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

I kinda miss the OLD blogger. the one that i could paint it with beautiful pictures and colours. Stupid.

I am at the verge of the success for the transfer of my new gelanggang. And yes, it is not about anyone but it's about the locationwise and prolly about the T.M at my current gelanggang. Things that i heard pierced through my ear drum and make me put my ready-punched fist into my pocket. It might turn bad if i were to let it out danggling by my side. You know, people talking about family and stuff are sensitive issues. One word, asshole. Yes.

Im tired of keeping things to myself and make others happy whereas, i am bloody suffering here. Dad had been talking to me about financial issues. AND please, what else can i do but work for my own expenses. How much do i earn a month? It could only serve me alone. I did multi working to help u and mum as much as i could. I work part time in KFC. I give out tuitions. What else? I am still schooling. You said working in KFC burden me. Then, when i ask for cash to buy things that are needed, you nag. Then how?

Semestral exams are two weeks away. Yes i did fairly for my common test, but its nothing compared the percentage for semestral eexams.

I might be fighting a national athlete, again, this saturday or sunday i suppose.

Prolly, i will be dating with hubbie tomorrow.

Labels : I miss going out with you.

2009-08-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

I thought it would solve my everything. But it didn't. I know i was not a perfect muslimah, but i am working to be a good mucslimah leading my siblings and all to the enlighted path. And i truly hope so. I trusted Allah's wants and will. As i know, there will always be a reason to it. And so, i was taught the meaning of patience. I need a perfect religious class again. I know, its never late for me to.

I had this feeling of wanting to quit KFC and strive on with doing tuition classes. I got a recommendation to do relief teaching in schools. I just need to ring them up and all. It's just that, i think, my career path will be on education line. Insya-Allah. I love kids and i love passing down knowledge. I hope they will benefit from me. AMIN.

School days are long. Days to common test are nearer. A week to semestral exam decides my path next semester. I failed one module and pass the rest. Haish. I can do better i know, and i believed the grades there are just to buck me up.

Competition for mini-grasio will be next weekend. Add on, the place, where i first held my first ever silat victory. Under different coach. I just need hubbie to be with me.

LABELS : OVERWORKED.

2009-08-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

Blogger is not behaving.

I fell sick dat day, and have to rush to help my family members at rewang for Cik Amir's wedding.
Part of it was a very solemn moment, to see a son perform silat pengantin for his dad and hugged him tight.
I feel sorry for him, but he needs to realise about the need of his dad. And i bet, he does.

School is not even half of a year term. And there are conflicts on behaviour and stuff. Why is it hard for people to realise their own flaws but easy to realise weaknesses of others? Yet, talking bad and badmouthing one another behind each back? Is that the way a 19 year old MAN behaves? A man that claimed that he is a matured guy that gone through alot of sufferings and blablabla. If you are matured, why do you have a on and off relationship, which you yourself don't realise if you are attached or not? Yes, you are from an ENGLISH drama club, but that does not mean that your english is flawless and tip top. I guess mine better. Who are you to judge people grades if yours are not good? No more accusations please. Though i know that you have alot to say.

~~ Simply, SHUT THE HELL UP.

Labels : Overworked.

2009-07-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

Im in no mood to update.
Plus im sick.
Heavy headaches.
Cough like spoilt machines.
Hot like hot ice tea.
Head turn like the top!

Hubbie accompanied me to the clinic.
Without him i won't go plus the bills.
My eyes almost popped out.

HAISH..

So what if you are 19?? You are not matured. You act like one small kid.

Labels : Change yourself.

2009-07-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

Congrats.

I love HUBBIE!

2009-07-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Blogger is back to normal. Congrats.
Stupid.

COMMITMENT.
what does it mean to each and everyone of you? Is it the only things that you do in daily routine or the things that you have goals and purpose of doing it in life?

well, to me, since then, i had alot of commitment that i have to commit on. especially school. and since, i have indulge in working, i have to think of my family well-being such as my younger siblings small nitty needs. i am the eldest in the family, and i do know that i held the largest responsibilites on my shoulder. like, studies shud be my main priority, work, not only for myself.

And next up, silat training was always a miss now adays. I find it hard that to go for trainings and silat. I am very frustrated at my own t.m. She uses me when she needs my help when her son and daughter does not wants to do the move. At the first moment, i felt proud being chosen for my centre to do it. And now, when i know the real reason behind her picking me, i hate her.
i hate her attitude especially.

I need to think about it after all, she is my mum's friend. But i am regarding her as my closest foe.

In school, alot of gossiping and badmouthing about others. Its the way each and every of us handle it. If you know that you are a bloody good and high class man, stay away from low class people with low fishing standard than you are. And if you do lie to people around you last time, don't try it on us or even me. Cause its likely for you to pass.

I am tired. Lack of sleep.

AND yada yada yada.

LABELS : I hate you, fish.

2009-07-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

What is rong with BLOGGER now a days? Stupid you know. Haywire here and there. Prolly, the group is trying to make it a better website. But, it is totally a not lah. Stupid tau.

school had been so dull today. alot of test coming up. Alex lim on his way to sabo me. making me have my answers all on the board. And alot of red inks. haha. autocadd lesson, tony ho is having his slacking time with us. he is totally a different individual from the first day i saw him. Charlie is having his PMS. and a lecturer winked at me. OMG.

training with hubbie was uberly great.

Labels: I wish he would.

2009-07-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

I got so bloody pissed of with blogger just now. I typed a very long long post and all it could sent was, 'Your request cannot be met.' I tried saving it as draft, and it was gone. ALL my effort went to waste. Angry you know.

Actually, i was talking about my lecturer gagging infront of me. Well, 4 out, 1 down. i know, i din even put the least effort to study. But its ok, there is always semestral papers. That's the end if i din make it through. Tomorrow, a pathetic 2 hrs with Mr Yap. I couldnt stand his lembut-ness, well, it might be better if i say, sopan lah kan.

Work has been hectic. I was always found to head banging and also snoring. HAHA. Well, it remind me of, the journey in train thru and fro sch. Never a day, that fails to have commuters sleeping wuth mouth open wide and you can see slimy whitish juice dripping from the side of their mouth. HAAAHAHHA.

Labels : Get with it.

2009-07-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

I never wanted this path that i was given. That is full of hatred, grievances and even torcher. I never ever had wanted the choice to be so lethargic going back from school and even the next morning. But because of you, i give in to my eyes. I know i had no enough sleeps and rest. And all you could say was, i never understand what life you'd been going through. I am lethargic. I ain't a human machine. I do have feelings. And all those fault and fingers were on me. Never were they on yours. I knew i was never perfect, to be yours and them. I know i was not the right pick, cause i hurt you too much. I know i had made you suffer once, and i totally believe that karma exist. And if that's the reason of what i am going through now and today, please, save me oh ALLAH. I had never had the best specimen that could read my heart, my feelings even without hearing my voice. I know i was never ever correct and perfect, but is that the reason for you to blame me for all my misdeeds. I never planned or asked for all this unfortunate fate, but if this is what has been destined to me now, i accept it all my heart. But just give me ample strength that i need as my useful source. And therefore, end it quick. I may sound asking for too much. This and that, but what can i ever ask for that could end my problems and sorrows quick. I know i am not the only one that is suffering, but slowly, the innner me is giving up. Giving bit by bit.

C'mon, touch my heart and ask me, if i ever wanted all this. Look into my eyes how much i need the soothing care and voice to enhance my day. Hear my talk all the day that like a meal without dessert. Look again into the hands that are moving and legs that are stepping on the stepping stones in adulthood, whether or not they are right and all.

I am fussy.

Labels : End it quick.

2009-07-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

Back from barbeque with NYP silat team. Despite being barbequed under the sorching hot sun. Well, we din use the charcoal to 'burn' the food, but instead we use the heat of the sun. I was taught by my science teacher in secondary school about heat radiation and blablabla. A very fun session. Get to walk along the beach,accompanied the girls finding shells, starfish. Although i am not interested at all to collect them..

Whatever it is..
It is a tiring day.
Cut it short..
I despise yesterday events.

Labels : You are too much.

2009-07-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

I know that i am suppose to study instead of blogging here. But i cudden resist it. I read my November, January and February post where i blogged about my o levels preparation, receiving the results and posting result.

Everything seems so fast.

I was in the bus with hubbie just now. We were talking and counting years and months that we went through. And counting how many months more to our third year. Its just like 3 months away. 27 October. Can you imagine meeting someone on your birthday, and be with that someone till today? But, he said, it's going to be a hari raya day. Nvm, somehow, there will always be different days and plus, there will always be a next time, when you meet your love on the date that you first meet. The only thing is the name that i call him. Yad is for long time ago. And hubbie is for eternity. Till fate decides.

Last paper tomorrow.
Aisehh.

OKOK.

I promise hubbie that i will study. And so i will...

Wish me luck peeps.

Labels : Fast and Furious.

2009-07-08T08:03:00.000-07:00

Work was ok for me.

Trained for 2 and a half days. And was left alone 1 and a half day.

Ok lah. Normal, fussy irritating customers had to bear with.

Just hope that kfc meals will have a barcode to scan so that, cashiers won't have any difficulties finding the button to press.

hope so~

And two papers are down.

Left 2 more.

And this happen if i and hubby are bored online.

2009-07-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Everything seems not right
All those thing i did infront of your eye
you
said the thing
that pierce through my heart.

I thought i did you
proud
By which i knew i am never right
I knew i was wrong all this
while
When the other someone stands upright.

She made you proud
in her every move
She made you smile in every words
She made no effort to
make you laugh
She is the apple of your eye.

I am pleased when
she held her hands up high
to show the who is the ultimate
I weep
unsoundly
Telling myself, "It's too late."

You stop my passion
when i am young
You made me study every now and then
When I am at her
age,
You left all alone with no one.

I cook, I eat, I did
everything alone
I did what i could, just everything
I brought home the
victory that i worked for long
And all you did was,
to look at it with no
consoling words.

I cried, i felt useless
All i did was not
worth
I did it for you
Beneath my every breathe
i mumbled the name i
call you
which is the source of my strength.

It does not matter
any more,
what it does now is that,
I need you at least by my side
And
do know,
even if you don't count my victory
like you did on her,
I love
you....

2009-07-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

I cut-ed my hair. Oh dear, I miss my long wavy hair.
But, it got alot of split ends and it is very dry. And so, i have to cut it.
Super short. But still can tie.

Happy Birthady baby brother.

May all the wonderful greetings be with you.

Lead a blissful life despite the rough moments you went through.

I love you, Muhammad Haziq B Ariffin